G

garden gate - mate
garden tool - fool
gates of Rome - home
Geoff Hurst - First
Geoff Hurst - Thirst
George Raft - Draught
Georgie bests - Breasts
German band - Hand
German beer - Engineer
ginger beer - queer (gay)
God forbid - kid (child)
gold watch - Scotch (whiskey)
Goldie Hawn - porn
Gordon Brown - clown
Gregory Peck - cheque
Gregory Peck - neck
gypsy's kiss - piss

H

haddock and bloater - motor
hairy chest - very best
hairy muff - fair enough
half inch - pinch (steal)
ham and eggs - legs
hammer and tack - back
Hampstead heath - teeth
Hampton wick - prick (penis)
Hank Marvin - starving
Hansel and Gretel - kettle
Harry Flint - skint
Harry Lime - time
Harry Monk - spunk
hat and scarf - laugh
hay stack - back
Hickory docks - socks
hit and miss - kiss
Hobson's choice - voice
holy friar - liar
holy ghost - toast
honey bees - keys
horse and cart - fart
horse and cart - heart
horse and cart - tart
how's your father - lather

I

I suppose - nose
ice cream freezer - geezer
ice rink - drink
in the nude - food
Irish jig - wig
Irish stew - true

J

Jack an' dandy - handy
Jack and Jill - hill
Jack and Jill - bill (statement)
Jack and Jill - till (cash register)
Jack and Jill - pill
Jack Joner - loner
Jack Jones - alone
Jack Palance - dance
Jack the Ripper - kipper
Jack the Ripper - stripper
Jack the Rippers - slippers
Jack's Alive - five
Jackson Pollocks - bollocks
Jacob's crackers - knackers (testicles)
jaffa cake - mistake
jam jar- car
jam roll - arsehole
jam roll - Pole (Polish citizen, used during ww2)
jam tart - fart
jam tart - heart
James Blunt - cunt
Jekyll and Hyde - snide (fake)
Jekyll and Hydes - strides (trousers)
jellied eel - deal
Jerry Springer - minger
jet fighter - all nighter
Jimi Hendrix - appendix
Jimmy Greaves - thieves
Joe Baxi - taxi
Joe Blake - steak
John Wayne - train
Johnny Horner - corner
Julius Caesar - geezer

K

Karsey Moilet - toilet
Kathy Burke - work
Keith Cheggers - preggers (pregnant)
Ken Dodds - odds (betting)
Kettle and Hob - watch
Khyber Pass - arse
Kidney Punch - lunch
King Lear - ear
kitchen sink - drink
kitchen sink - Chink (Chinese person)
knobbly knees - keys

L

la-da-da - cigar
lady from Bristol - pistol
lady Godiva - fiver (5 pounds)
Larry Flint - skint (broke)
laugh and a joke - smoke
Lee Marvin - starving
left in the lurch - church
lemon curd - word
lemon lime - crime
lemon squash - wash
lemon squeezer - geezer
lemon tart - smart (cocky)
Leo Fender - bender (homosexual)
Lesley Crowthers - trousers
liberty x - sex
Lilian Gish - fish
lilley and skinner - dinner
Lily the Pink - drink
linen draper - paper (newspaper)
Lionel Richie - bitchy
lion's lair - chair
little Jack Horner - corner
loaf of bread - head
longers and lingers - fingers
long and flexy - sexy
loop the loop - soup
Lord Mayor - swear
Lords and Peers - ears
love and kisses - mrs
Lucy Locket - pocket
lump of lead - head

M

macaroni cheese - keys
Mae West - best
Maggie's den - number ten
manhole cover - brother
market stalls - balls
Mars and Venus - penis
mars bar - scar
Mary Rose - nose
mechanical digger - nigger
Melvyn Bragg - shag
merchant banker - wanker
merchant navy - gravy
Mickey Monk - drunk
Mickey Mouse - house
mince pies - eyes
Missing Link - Chink (Chinese person)
Moby Dick - sick
monkey wrench - wench
monkey's tails - nails
Morris Minor - vagina
mother hubbard - cupboard
mother of pearl - girl
mother's ruin - gin
mountain bike - dyke
mum and dad - mad
mutt and jeff - deaf

N

nanny goat - throat
nanny goat - coat
Nat King Cole - dole (welfare)
near and far - bar (pub)
Nelly Duff - puff (breath, life)
Nelson Mandela - Stella (beer)
New Delhi - belly
Niagara Falls - balls (testicles)
nobby stiles - piles (hemorrhoids)
north and south - mouth
nuclear sub - pub
nuns and habits - rabbits